Coming from a place where I dated a man for almost 20 years. Without a commitment for most of it, and two kids., i tried my hardest to understand what it’s like to be a man and in his shoes. I never got it. I did grow and learn myself in the process. I had experienced first hand what it’s like to be a woman with a man without financial support or guidance. And this is a way of writing my wrongs, what I learn from it , in hopes to help others better themselves. Understanding the problem that can occur in relationships financial families dynamics.
1. Work hard. Try to outwork others when you want to stand out. Even if they outwork you, you’re still better off because of the effort you made.
2. Take responsibility. Own your sh*t. Don’t make excuses or blame others when you fail-even when something isn’t entirely your fault. It’s at least partly your fault. Figure out why it happened and learn from it.
3. Be gentle. Life isn’t a competition with anyone except yourself. You don’t need to be a jerk to win. In fact, you don’t even need to win, if someone else is defining what winning is Society rewards and applauds type A go-getters, but let’s be honest, society is screwed up. If that’s you, be you (you still don’t have to be a jerk). But if you’re not like that, don’t think you have to be in order to be successful.
4. Put the well-being of others above your own.
Seek out good people that will do the same.
Marry one of them that you’re attracted to.
5. Don’t rely on anyone else—not a parent, not a spouse, not a kid, not a therapist, not a spiritual leader-to care about your happiness and success more than you care about your happiness and success. Does this contradict point 4? No. See points 1 and 2. You need to surround yourself with people who are willing to sacrifice for you, but you also need to work hard so that they don’t have to do it very much. Don’t worry, no matter how hard you try to avoid it, you’ll still need them. The converse is also true-serve others, help them, but don’t let toxic people suck you into their toxic, codependent worlds.
Five things that can be harmful in a relationship and hinder financial freedom are: financial infidelity, controlling behaviors, lack of open communication about finances, poor spending habits, and unrealistic expectations about financial responsibility.
Here’s a more detailed look at each:
1. Financial Infidelity:
This involves hiding expenses, using shared funds for personal purchases without consent, or using shared finances to support other relationships. Financial infidelity can erode trust and create financial instability.
2. Controlling Behaviors:
This includes using money to manipulate or control a partner, restricting their access to funds, or making major financial decisions without their input.
3. Lack of Open Communication:
Avoiding discussions about finances, being defensive about spending habits, or not sharing financial goals can lead to resentment, misunderstandings, and a lack of financial alignment.
4. Poor Spending Habits:
Inconsistent or excessive spending, a lack of budgeting or saving, and a tendency to get into debt can create financial strain and make it harder to achieve financial freedom.
5. Unrealistic Expectations:
Expecting a partner to cover all expenses, not contributing equally to shared financial goals, or having unrealistic expectations about financial goals.